Last Minute Crisis

So, I was all set to finish up the last minute bathroom remodel by 11:00, finish the packing, stop at my parent's house in Kalamazoo for a shower, a few hours sleep and a chance to use the computer. I was then going to hit the road about 10:-11:00 pm so I could start the run with no traffic. It was a perfect plan. . .

Then I came home, last night, to the message on the machine. "They denied my food stamp/medicaid case because it is still open in Michigan. You need to find my card and buy $300 in groceries."

Everything I own now fits in about a third of my van. I filled the rest with my ex and Caleb's things. I have taken 3,240 books to the used bookstore I love, (I thought it was about a 1,500 less than that but his guy counted them pretty close) I have given up my TV, (yeah!) I have given up all the peculiar "tresure" my son his mom and I have collected from the side of the road and some of the art projects we did with them. I have given up all my bookshelves, computer desk, futon frame, bikes and virtualy everything else. I own three boxes of books, a computer minus a hard drive, a stunted dvd collection, some clothes, a few special scrap book items and my tools. My ex is down to a few movies a few memorabilia, some art tools, and some clothes and a few books. My son made out the best. He has the most special of his toys, three boxes of books, a mess of clothes and his tools. I am going to strap our futons to the roof of the van. I do not have room to spare for $300 in groceries.

So I spent the better part of the day doing what I needed to deal with it. I got $200 from a friend who was able to spend $200 on groceries and rebuilt a friends well housing in two hours for another hundred. I finished the bathroom and got a call from a friend who heard I needed cash for my food card. He was almost disapointed he couldn't help me with more than the hundred left on the card. I offloaded the last big item (the computer desk) and got everything laid out to load into the van. Then I ran to my parents to see them for a bit and here I am. I have an appointment in the morning to get the rear end diff. lubed and my oil changed again.

On the one hnd I am pissed at my ex for continualy pushing more of the burden for this move on me on nearly a daily basis. I am also kinda pissed that this has resulted in me having to give up more and more of my things. On the other hand I also am glad to have the oppurtunity to be more neccesary to her existence. As for giving up nearly everything I own, I am looking at it as an oppertunity to start over.

I have learned a lot in the last few years. I have developed a network of friends who support each other and work for each other's success. For the first time, i am leaving people who are genuinely upset that I am leaving. I am also going somewhere that quite a few people, including a few I have never met in person, are really glad that I am coming. I have the oppertunity to give up the mistakes I have made up to this point and be the reflection of the man I would be proud if my son becomes. I look forward to contributing to the joy and well being of my friends, new and old. I look forward to making a better living than I have ever made. I look forward to being able to afford to go on vacation, instead of finding some side work for the down time because I can't afford the down time. I look forward to being able to relax and get better when I am ill, because a few sick days arn't going to put us further behind on the bills.

I also look forward to fighting, with words and protest actions for our freedoms. My son deserves a chance to be free. My son deserves his privacy. My son deserves to be able to express himself however he would like. And so do the rest of us. I am tired of hearing, from both the right and the left, that we need to curtail freedom for a modicum of false security. I am tired of hearing that abuse and torture, the stance against we were once famous and envied for, are justified in any way by the circumstances we find ourselves in. Damnit, we are Americans, we are bigger and better than that. We will never back down from who we are! And yet that is exactly what we have done. We spit in the faces of the hundreds of thousands who gave up there lives for our freedom. We pissed on the graves of the founders of this great republic. We are rooting out everything great in this nation and throwing it away so we can pretend the terrorists can't get us now.

Wake the fuck up! We are not an iota safer now than we were when terrorists attacked us. The only result has been to make us less safe from our government. The result has been to lose our freedom. It is time for us to shut up or put up. In that vein I have joined many others in the Big Brass Alliance. I havn't the time now to put up the logo but I will when I reach my new home. I encourage you to add your voice to what could and will become a deafening roar. We must take our country back.

I will be back when I reach my new home,
Treban Richard Lukes